It’s Three am
It’s three am and again I cannot sleep.
Waiting for time to fix some part of me that keeps on breaking.
Already thrown out the paper, washed the left over dishes.
Nothing to due but sit here and think.
As I pay action out side the window, The Snow makes the world look a new. Orr confronted me with lounging for two hours making up three hours, back to Manahan We took a scenic adventure down south the Manhattan. I enjoyed the scenery, Orr was much more involved with the environment. We stopped before the mountains and had Winter Picnic, space blanket to sit on and two to cover up from the cold and snow, hot chocolate with vintage snopps, (sp) scrambled eggs with butter, chives, and pink truffles.
What a glorious time with great photos of us, camera timer.
Upon arriving to NYC, I took along bath, and wrote the frame work
Foe my pre-report assessing Kenya, now with Political unrest, and to the best of my MSF data bases, very extensive, I will make assessments of political neutrality, and safety. If approved, my team and I will travel to Kenya for a month. Emotionally I feel unable, but upon meeting with one of the head staff doctors, who urges me to go and see if my emotional/physical status changes, T have an out to leave if I feel overwhelmed. I have three wingmen who are close friends, from Chad, and India.
I leave April 15.08 I hope I am ready. I seem to function outside my life.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Life is what you make it
...if people have compassion, naturally that's something they can count on; even if they have economic problems and their fortune declines, they still have something to share with fellow human beings. World economies are always so tenuous and we are subject to so many losses in life, but a compassionate attitude is something that we can always carry with us.
...Of course, in attempting to explain to someone the importance of compassion, in some cases, you might be dealing with a very hardened, individualistic, and selfish person, someone concerned only with her or his own interests. And it is even possible that there are people who may not have the capacity to empathize with even someone whom they love or who may be close to them. But even to such people, it is still possible to present the importance of compassion and love on the grounds that it's the best way to fulfill their self-interests. They wish to have good health, live a longer life, and have peace of mind, happiness, and joy. And if these are things that they desire, I've heard that there is even scientific evidence that these things can be enhanced by feelings of love and compassion.
...educating someone about these facts and scientific studies could certainly encourage some people to cultivate a more compassionate state of mind. But I think that, even aside from scientific studies, there are other arguments that people could understand and appreciate from their own practical or direct everyday experience.
For example, you could point out that lack of compassion leads to a certain ruthlessness. There are many examples indicating that at some level deep down, ruthless people generally suffer from a kind of unhappiness and discontent, people like Stalin and Hitler. Such people suffer from a kind of nagging sense of insecurity and fear. Even when they are sleeping I think that sense of fear remains...these people lack something that you can find in a more compassionate person--a sense of freedom, a sense of abandonment, so when you sleep you can relax and let go. Ruthless people never have that experience. Something is always gripping them; there is some kind of hold on them, and they aren't able to experience that feeling of letting go, that sense of freedom.
...There are always different degrees of benefit that one might receive from practicing various methods and techniques, depending on one's particular circumstances.... First, through learning, thoroughly understanding the value of compassion--this gives you a feeling of conviction and determination. Then, employing methods to enhance empathy, such as using your imagination, your creativity, to visualize yourself in another's situation. And certain exercises or practices that you can undertake, such as Tong-Len, serve to strengthen your compassion. But I think it's important to remember that these techniques...were developed to help as many as possible, at least some portion of the human population. But it was never expected that these techniques could help 100 percent of people, the entire human population.
...the main point really, if we are talking about various methods to develop compassion, the important thing is that people make a sincere effort to develop their capacity for compassion. If they make their best efforts to be kinder, to cultivate compassion and make the world a better place, then at the end of the day they can say, "At least I've done my best!"
...Of course, in attempting to explain to someone the importance of compassion, in some cases, you might be dealing with a very hardened, individualistic, and selfish person, someone concerned only with her or his own interests. And it is even possible that there are people who may not have the capacity to empathize with even someone whom they love or who may be close to them. But even to such people, it is still possible to present the importance of compassion and love on the grounds that it's the best way to fulfill their self-interests. They wish to have good health, live a longer life, and have peace of mind, happiness, and joy. And if these are things that they desire, I've heard that there is even scientific evidence that these things can be enhanced by feelings of love and compassion.
...educating someone about these facts and scientific studies could certainly encourage some people to cultivate a more compassionate state of mind. But I think that, even aside from scientific studies, there are other arguments that people could understand and appreciate from their own practical or direct everyday experience.
For example, you could point out that lack of compassion leads to a certain ruthlessness. There are many examples indicating that at some level deep down, ruthless people generally suffer from a kind of unhappiness and discontent, people like Stalin and Hitler. Such people suffer from a kind of nagging sense of insecurity and fear. Even when they are sleeping I think that sense of fear remains...these people lack something that you can find in a more compassionate person--a sense of freedom, a sense of abandonment, so when you sleep you can relax and let go. Ruthless people never have that experience. Something is always gripping them; there is some kind of hold on them, and they aren't able to experience that feeling of letting go, that sense of freedom.
...There are always different degrees of benefit that one might receive from practicing various methods and techniques, depending on one's particular circumstances.... First, through learning, thoroughly understanding the value of compassion--this gives you a feeling of conviction and determination. Then, employing methods to enhance empathy, such as using your imagination, your creativity, to visualize yourself in another's situation. And certain exercises or practices that you can undertake, such as Tong-Len, serve to strengthen your compassion. But I think it's important to remember that these techniques...were developed to help as many as possible, at least some portion of the human population. But it was never expected that these techniques could help 100 percent of people, the entire human population.
...the main point really, if we are talking about various methods to develop compassion, the important thing is that people make a sincere effort to develop their capacity for compassion. If they make their best efforts to be kinder, to cultivate compassion and make the world a better place, then at the end of the day they can say, "At least I've done my best!"
Friday, March 7, 2008
Another day pronounced
And this Day Begins:
For Will.......
" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorns Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods. Stop one brief instant while branches mourn, Hiding grief and shame among many moods, The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails, Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree. I remember Tuesday night because it hailed although watching through the window, I failed to go outside and gaze up with the others; the fire kept me inside, loving the flames. Later the warmth of soft and safe covers blanketed me from the day's rainy games. The day kept me in sync with my soul each time I write I am closer to whole."
March 7, 2008
Snow clings to the trees around the house as I waited for UPS to deliver Kansas City Steaks all day. I did find the package on the front pouch at 5 pm. Go figure.
Another week of doctors, new glasses, I look charming in Armani.
A week of loss. Yoska, Paul's sweet dog died yesterday. Paul is feeling the loss severely. My heart went out for him as he told me about the passing.
The poem above is dedicated to my dear friend Will. Will passed away two days ago.
His parents, from Manilus, NY. My heart again has experienced another serious crack. Will and I have been very close friends since 9/11/00. I will mourn his self imposed death. Will was having difficulty coming to terms about "us" and started sleeping around and met a young man from Paris only later to become infected with HIV/AIDS. After a month, he took his life. I will always hold a certain amount of guilt about his death. My heart cries, my chest withers. Another "thing" to carry privately in my head and heart. So, for Will, I write this poem. Tonight the world seems dark and confusing. Loss and gain mean nothing. I guess we all have our times of loss and great loss. I stopped counting friends dying from Denver days, at 87. Many more passed, but I stopped counting because of pain. I enabled countless to cope and survive for their months, days left.
Now the lesson is for practice for my survival. So many gone, and I still breath and live. I have decided to seek seclusion for my mental health. I am shutting off all phones and staying mute for one week. I shall read, and write from bottom of my broken heart and decidedly make sense of my world at large and regain my footing and balance. I promise to contact everyone after my week of rest.
Blessed Be
Joe
For Will.......
" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorns Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods. Stop one brief instant while branches mourn, Hiding grief and shame among many moods, The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails, Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree. I remember Tuesday night because it hailed although watching through the window, I failed to go outside and gaze up with the others; the fire kept me inside, loving the flames. Later the warmth of soft and safe covers blanketed me from the day's rainy games. The day kept me in sync with my soul each time I write I am closer to whole."
March 7, 2008
Snow clings to the trees around the house as I waited for UPS to deliver Kansas City Steaks all day. I did find the package on the front pouch at 5 pm. Go figure.
Another week of doctors, new glasses, I look charming in Armani.
A week of loss. Yoska, Paul's sweet dog died yesterday. Paul is feeling the loss severely. My heart went out for him as he told me about the passing.
The poem above is dedicated to my dear friend Will. Will passed away two days ago.
His parents, from Manilus, NY. My heart again has experienced another serious crack. Will and I have been very close friends since 9/11/00. I will mourn his self imposed death. Will was having difficulty coming to terms about "us" and started sleeping around and met a young man from Paris only later to become infected with HIV/AIDS. After a month, he took his life. I will always hold a certain amount of guilt about his death. My heart cries, my chest withers. Another "thing" to carry privately in my head and heart. So, for Will, I write this poem. Tonight the world seems dark and confusing. Loss and gain mean nothing. I guess we all have our times of loss and great loss. I stopped counting friends dying from Denver days, at 87. Many more passed, but I stopped counting because of pain. I enabled countless to cope and survive for their months, days left.
Now the lesson is for practice for my survival. So many gone, and I still breath and live. I have decided to seek seclusion for my mental health. I am shutting off all phones and staying mute for one week. I shall read, and write from bottom of my broken heart and decidedly make sense of my world at large and regain my footing and balance. I promise to contact everyone after my week of rest.
Blessed Be
Joe
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Loss
My friend Paul came to my door and with vacant eyes, told me Yosha had died. The night before Yosha was unable to walk. She seemed to not be her self. Fourteen years she used the most to explore her world with gusto. Paul was experiencing guilt as he told me he had just put her down, cremated, ashes to pick up later. The loss of a loved friend that leaves . What can a friend offer to another, when grief and loss are so deep.
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